“A female Homosexual. A female who is sexually attracted only to other women. She may or may not act on her attraction.”
The word ‘Lesbian’ is an often complicated and disassociated term to describe girls who like girls. It’s a term that defines some people more than others like the stereotyped ideas of lesbians, butch vs. femme; no matter what label is placed on us, it all boils down to one thing, we don’t identify as heterosexual.
Personally, I prefer the term gay; I’m gay. None of this gendered stuff, I like to keep things simple. I remember there being so many terms that I thought I should learn. Boi, femme, butch, Baby dyke, clone, scene queen, dom, gold-star lesbian, gaydar…the list is startling (and all definitions can be found on this very handy website!) It’s best to be true to yourself and not get wound up in all of the lingo. Identify whatever way you want: labels, no labels, heels, skirts, trousers, boxers, whatever works for you do it.
Being a gay woman in Belfast is fun, exciting and busy but at times, like everyone gay or straight, it can be scary and difficult too. Belfast keeps you guessing, there’s always something new to do and fresh faces to meet. As a student city to the core, Belfast’s clubs revolve around semester dates but the gay clubs are always packed at a weekend and during the holidays with the working crowd.
There are several chilled out bars to choose from for that afternoon pint if you need a break from the clubbing scene or just want to kick back. It can sometimes be difficult to meet homosexual women in the clubs (yes I know it sounds ridiculous but) heterosexual women frequent the dance floors accompanying their gay male friends. There is a lesbian only night every month though and plenty of opportunities to form tight friendships through the Society. It’s difficult coming to a new place but the Society is here to help you integrate into our fabulous city.
I know that personally the hardest thing for me to do was go to my first meeting. I came to Queen’s because I knew Belfast had a scene, that it was a prestigious Uni and it was far away from my family because I felt that I needed to live the life that I’d always wanted to and express my identity (something at the time I didn’t think I could do at home). We were all pretty nervous sat in the meeting room, all 40 of us but I found the unity comforting and everyone was like me: friendly and up for a laugh. The group varies in size throughout the year with a base of about 8 people, the first meeting is always big and people drift in and out throughout the semesters. People join throughout the year with the highest new attendance (after Fresher’s) in the second semester (from February) so if you need time to settle it’s grand because you aren’t alone in joining up later in the year.
As a woman I’m proud of the Society. It helped me to be me. The female president was helpful, knowledgeable and great craic. It’s great knowing you’re not the only one who likes women and can gossip and head out with group, I’ve formed friendships for life through the Society and continually meet new people each year of my degree which is fab because I like to party.
- Sarah
Hi there Sarah, I’m glad I’ve been able to see this message you wrote about your experiences of yur first meeting. I’ve a disability in that I’m totally blind and have a lovely guide dog called Zeta. She’s my third dog and it’s a long story to talk about what happened to my second dog Vale, but I’ll say she retired at the age of 3 due to cancer.
I have been going to the meetings now on and off for a few years, and although felt really comfortable around everyone, still I did feel quite different due to my disability. I took a year out of uni last year. I’m back. I want to get as involved as I can be. I don’t want people to see me as a blind person, although I am. I want them to look at me as a person with a personality. I know, I do require help for example, if I came to the kremlin with you or whatever, but I don’t want to have to bring a friend with me because I’d be afraid of being left alone. That has happened to me before, and I really want to get out there, be involved with the community and make friends and whatever else comes my way.
I do feel like I have a lot to offer the group and I know how difficult it can be for new members starting. It’s daunting, worrying because you don’t know what people are going to think of you. I know, I am different in terms of how I look as well as the fact that I can’t see. I can have good craic and when I’m relaxed can really enjoy myself. I can’t bring my dog if we go clubbing at all, but It can happen in time, like it doesn’t need to happen straight away. I need to feel comfortable around people, feel apart of something and have a sense of belonging. I get this being with the society, but I still the lack of friendships with people. This is due to my disability sometimes too. It’s hard for me to approach someone whose sighted, and equally for someone whose sighted to approach a blind person. I promise to anyone else who reads this, I won’t bite, and neither will my dog Zeta!
I just hope that I can get involved, help out with various things, join in with the meetings, may be come out with you guys providing I get the assistance I need. Although, I do try to not ask for too much help. That’s the one thing I hate, is being a burden on someone. That’s partly the reason I don’t always go out to clubs because I don’t want someone to feel they have to be responsible for me. It’s just I don’t like to be something just sitting on my own in the corner, I wanna be out there dancing away like the rest of the group and having a laugh.
People do make their own wee groups, and it’s easy to be on the outside if you don’t kind of make yourselves known to people. I can only speak from a blind peson’s perspective for me. I can’t see body language, so I need to go on voice and hoping that I can join in with things and conversations and that people aren’t going to think that I’m just pushing my way in there. So, this means, I end up being quieter than usual because I don’t want to invade into a conversation, but at the same time, I want to be part of the group have friends and enjoy myself. This is one thing I’ll say, I don’t really have anyone I can say that is a friend of mine from uni and I know I have to make changes, I need to make friends and I want to be heavily involved in the community where I feel I belong, which of course is this one. I do need help, and you new members will require support and friendship, help and all I can say is, the society at queens is very friendly indeed. For me, I just need people to see me for me, and not look at my disability.
Sorry for such a long post, and I just want to welcome any new membrs who join and to say, that I hope to meet you and may be this time, I’ll be successful in making friends. I can assure you, the society here at queens, is brilliant. Don’t be afraid, people are genuinely welcoming, and now I’ve said this, may be I can put my fears aside and do the same too. So for now.
Take care
love
Andrea and guide dog Zeta